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A day in the life…

April 5, 2012

Allow me to set the scene for you:  After picking up Adam from work, we decide to stop by Walmart for Subway, because we have no food in our house a few things we need.  We decide to split up—Adam and Blake go get the Subway, and I run to pick up some eggs.  My little venture takes longer than expected, because the lines are riiiidculous and the credit card machine at the self-checkout I chose was (of course) broken.  Eventually, I get through the line and go to meet up with the boys so we can leave. 

Annnnd action

[Hurrying my little hiney toward the exit I finally spot Adam with Blake.  I catch his eye and he gives me the look. I come to a stop next to him]

Me:  What’s wrong?  Did you get the food?

Adam:  He peed.  On me.  Down my jacket, dripping off my pant leg.  There’s a puddle.

Me:  There’s a puddle?  Of pee?  Did you tell someone?

Adam [big, panicky cow eyes]: Well I think it’s pee.  There was someone behind me…

[I cut him off]

Me: Okay wait, did you tell someone about the pee?

Adam [looking incredulous]: Uh, no.

Me: So there’s a big puddle of pee on the floor at Subway, where people eat, and you just left?

Adam: Are we even sure this is pee?  He doesn’t feel wet.  Did someone else pee on me?  [eyes are now bulgy] Do I have someone’s bodily fluids on me??

Me: Okay, calm down.  Your son peed on you, let’s not get overly dramatic.

Adam:  He’s not wet. [looks around anxiously] I’m telling you there was someone behind me.

Me [realizing the situation is spiraling out of control]: Okay, we’re going

[I head for the car, Adam following….nervously]

Me: Buckle him in and then take off your jacket so you don’t get it on the seat.

Adam [leaning over Blake to buckle him in]: Are we on the same page here?  Somebody just threw AIDS on me and….

Me: …ADAM.  It’s not even possible for someone to ‘throw AIDS’ on you.  Can you take a moment and remember that you’re 26?  Blake peed on you.  That’s all

Adam [peering inquisitively at the wet spot on his jacket]:  We have no idea what this is.  It could be anything.  We are at Walmart.  We have no idea what someone could throw on someone else at Walmart.

Me:  Uh, okay.  Conversation over, you’re being crazy.  It’s PEE.  P-E-E. 

[I pull out of the parking lot and we drive in silence for a few minutes]

Adam: ….okay, I found a wet spot on Blake’s shirt.  I think it’s pee.

Me [dramatically]: Oh, phew.  I was concerned that somebody had thrown AIDS on you or something…

[we both erupt in hysterical laughter]

If you know my husband, then you know why this is so incredibly funny to us.  He is so dramatic. 

[and just to clarify, no we never told anyone about the puddle.  I mean, someone had just thrown AIDS on my husband….]

[did I mention that during this particular shopping trip, Blake found great pleasure in screaming at everyone who walked past? like red face, guttural growling? yep.]


and there you have it.  happy Wednesday!

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